Sometimes I wonder what life would look like if I took a few different turns, made different decisions or just lived under different physical and non-physical circumstances. Being the visual and imaginative person that I am, these thoughts manifest themselves in the form of daydreams and imaginary scenarios. Other times, I think about what my ideal future would look like, future in this case meaning as soon as the following day. These thoughts also manifest themselves in the same way as my thoughts about the past.
Growing up, I think I got used to constantly changing environments from new circles to new schools to new towns. I don’t think I ever got fully accustomed to one environment for very long. My life was a constant cycle of changing environments and that’s probably why it was easy for me to lose touch with a lot of my childhood friends. One thing that I did have, however, was a very active mind
I remember having a chat a few weeks ago about how I didn’t really have an experience of most of the things that were popular when I was young. This includes movies, Tv shows, music and so on. Looking back now, I realize that I lived in a world of my own. A world in which I belonged. This other world was and is my mind.
Like I mentioned, I am a very visual and imaginative person. Sometimes I feel like I see things that are not real as if they are. This comes in handy in certain scenarios. For example, sometimes I’m able to tell what an idea would look like in reality. Being able to know how something would play out helps me have foresight. Other times, I feel like I can ever so easily drift into the fantasy universe and seek refuge in a place that doesn’t exist.
One challenge that I face every now and then is being held up by things that I can’t control. Whether past or future, I can spiral into this imaginary world in which things play out differently and usually it involves me also having the upper hand in one way or another. Maybe this sounds familiar? Surely, I can’t be the only one who thinks and feels this way, right? That my imaginary world always includes a scenario in which I come out victorious in one way or another. It sounds ever so similar to the world of What If.
It’s funny how we can begin to convince ourselves that if we we’re presented with a set of different circumstances, suddenly everything that went wrong would be made right. It’s equally as funny that sometimes we can have this idea of our future selves that we hold on to so tightly that we begin to believe that’s exactly how things would be. Maybe it’s a natural human thing, I’m still trying to wrap my head around this too.
I think as human beings, sometimes we can have this battle between imagining a different past and visualizing an ideal future. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with this, like everything else, there is a risk of it becoming unhealthy. The risk is if we hold on so tightly to our alternate or ideal realities, we may rob ourselves of everything that exists in the present. And the present is the only reality that we will ever have control over. It is the only canvas we can paint.
I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t change my past. What a cliché realization it is. It’s true, nonetheless. Maybe I need to internalize this cliché idea a little bit more. Maybe I need to have not just an intellectual understanding of this but also a practical implication on my life.
A similar idea is true for the future. While making decisions that are in line with what I’d like the future to look like can give me a higher probability of events turning out my way, I am beginning to realize that there is a huge difference between what’s probable and what’s actual. Actuality is a whole other concept on its own. Actuality gives proof that we really can’t control every individual element of the future.
I know that even if I have typed this, I will still face this struggle from time to time because it can be so addictive to live in worlds that don’t exist. But I think everything that has an implication on our general wellbeing as human beings is worth investigating. And I think this is what this post has been. An investigation into how some of us can hold on and seek refuge in imaginary worlds.
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