Change

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“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m changing. I’m not the person you remember. I’m becoming the person I need to be for this new season of my life. I don’t know what you want to call it but I’ll call it growth. Like everything else that grows, it’s a little uncomfortable. It’s not spring yet so I’m not going to blossom until a little later. Allow me to feed from the soil. Trust me it’s new for me too, so be a little patient. And if you can’t, that’s okay, I’m sure there are others like me who will walk with me until my fruit is ripe. At least for now, for the sake of being honest with you and myself, I’ll accept that I’m changing.“

If I look back in time, I can confidently say that I’m not the same person I was five, ten or fifteen years ago. I cannot even remember who I was fifteen years ago. A lot of things concerning who I have become and how I approach my daily life have evolved from what they once were. There are a lot of good developmental changes that have taken place both on the inside and on the outside that have collectively formed the person that I am at this moment in time.

One thing that I’ve noticed is this “change” has not always been welcomed with the same energy (unsurprisingly), and I’m noticing that it’s a pattern that replays almost every time I make a change or adjustment in my life. I’ve realized that with every step you make towards personal growth and development, something has to give. Some people may not always understand how to interpret your change. Some will welcome the change, and others won’t. Some will be happy, and others won’t.

If I can be honest for a little bit, I’d like to let you in on a secret. I was once an approval addict. I cared a whole lot about what people’s perceptions of me were. So, when I realized that not everyone would be happy about the changes I would have to make along this life journey (no matter how helpful they would be), It threw me off a little. Deep down I knew that the cost of any changes I made would be allocated to some of the relationships that I hold dear. And because I knew that I had no control over people’s responses or reactions to my developmental changes, I was left in an awkward place. Formulating a way forward became a rather difficult task.

If there’s one thing that has the ability to throw people off, it’s change. It’s one of the things that while being part of life, still catches a lot of us by surprise. I think we as humans are naturally wired to get accustomed to some sort of routine in at least one area of life. Even some of my spontaneous friends can admit that predictability is needed in some form. More than that, I think if we are honest with ourselves, we subconsciously desire that predictability as it relates to others too. 

Think about this for a second. When you develop a bond with someone, you have developed a bond with the person they are at that moment. Their likes, interests, desires, and fears all relate to that specific period in time. Sometimes the future reality of the persons evolution eludes us, especially if the bond is strong. We want the person to stay that way forever, because we genuinely like who they are at that moment, not realizing that they too will have to go through change for them to keep growing and developing. 

It’s understandable that we want to hold on to a version of another person that appeals to us most. That’s the version of them that lines up perfectly with who we are and what we like. But in as much as it is understandable, it can get a little unhealthy and selfish when we expect people to be who we want them to be and not who they need to be. People shouldn’t have to feel like they are living for us, no matter how close the bond between us and them is. There’s a need for us to accommodate who they really need to be.

Sometimes I wonder how we can be more accommodative of people’s change (that is if it’s good for them of course). How can we welcome that change as hard as it may be to accept for us? Believe it or not, it gets uncomfortable sometimes for me as well. But more than discomfort, I want to feel a sense of joy when someone makes a step in the right direction. Because it’s good for them. Even if adjusting to accommodate the better person they are becoming gets uncomfortable, I want to be able to do that with a smile on my face. 

The fact is change is a normal part of life. God is the only constant in life, everything else changes. Even when we don’t expect change, it’s bound to happen. Sometimes when someone who we care about changes, it could be that they are becoming the person they need to be in that season of their life. It’s not always a bad thing that they are changing even if we interpret it that way. 

And the thing is, sometimes when someone close to us changes, it might mean we won’t be close anymore, which is okay. If you’re unable to relate to a close friend when they make certain changes in their life, you have a choice. You can either accept that they have changed, accommodate the person they have become and maintain the closeness or allow them to be the person they have become and let go of the closeness that you once had. Either way, bitterness should never be an option. We must, as Romans 12:18 says, “…live peaceably with all men”.

The truth is in this life, on this earth, everything evolves and that includes mankind as well. Our survival requires us to be constantly changing, constantly learning, and constantly developing. More than that, we must constantly pursue the habit of accommodating other people’s change if were able to, especially with the people that we are close to. That might mean our relationships with them will look a little different, but it also means we’ve given them the liberty that they deserve in order for them to develop into who they are meant to be.

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